Cracks in my Daemon
by Selene467
Summary: Direct continuation of "Soulless no more". With Sina restored to her true form, Dean is hopeful that Sam will wake up. But will he be himself? Will the wall work? Will Sina return to normal? Will Sam be alright?
1. Chapter 1

_**This is a direct continuation of "Soulless No More", but I made it in a separate story as it's been a while since I wrote that one-shot and I think I'll add a few more chapters to this one to really flesh out Sam getting his soul aka his daemon back. We'll see if my mind comes up with more.**_

_**Info on Daemons [based on His Dark Materials books and tv-series] are below.**_

* * *

Dean had refused to leave the room, not even moving an inch when Bobby grabbed him by the arm. Tali had softly growled at Rumsfeld, a warning not to push it further. It was enough of a message for Bobby who had expected no different from the overprotective older brother. So he had let them be, for now.

For a while Dean had simply stood there, staring at his kid brother's daemon hissing uneasily at them while Sam just lay there, unmoving. Eventually fatigue won out and he sat down on a small stool, Tali at his side.

It hurt so bad to see Sina like this. Dean felt like crying but he refused to allow the tears to fall. He couldn't be weak, not now, not while Sammy needed him. Besides, he didn't have a right to cry. This was on him and he would carry this as he did everything else. For Sam.

His brothers' condition had not changed. He was still out of it, even with his daemon reformed. It worried Dean almost as much as Sina's appearance did.

"Do you think something went wrong?" Tali asked. Dean couldn't answer his daemon. He had no idea if Death had done as he had promised or if they'd been played for fools. This was not something done before. Perhaps Death overestimated the odds of saving Sam.

Two hours had passed since Sina was restored to her true form. All that time she had refused to move away from behind the cot, always watching Dean and Tali with a predators' focus. Dean had no intention of leaving this room until he had a sure sign that Sam would be alright and no one could convince him otherwise.

Tali ended up lightly dozing at his feet, the exhaustion they both felt manifesting through her since Dean refused to give in to it. Vague flashes of memory echoed through their connection as Tali dreamed of Sina's name-day.

_"Dad, do you have to go?"_

_"You know I do, Dean."_

_"But-"_

_"No buts! Stay inside and watch your brother. Keep the door locked at all times." His dad put his hand on his head in a rare paternal act, but it was over too quickly for Dean's liking. "I'll be back soon."_

_Dean locked the door behind his dad with a heavy heart before turning to his squirming baby brother on the bed, cushioned on all sides by pillows so he couldn't roll off. "Sorry, Sammy. Maybe when he comes back."_

_Tali jumped on the bed, careful not to disturb Sammy and looked curiously at the little insect pod on his tiny arm. There was a lot of movement inside. "You know he won't make it on time. It's happening tomorrow." She countered. _

_Dean sighed as the truth of her words. "I know." The disappointment was clear in his voice. Sammy squirmed uneasily on the bed, prompting Dean to gently hush him. "Shh, Sammy. It's okay. I'm here. I'll never leave you."_

_As feared, their dad missed Sammy's daemon hatching the next day when he turned exactly one year old. A blue-colored ladybug crawled across Sammy's arm causing him to giggle. Tali barked in excitement before shifting into a dragonfly to better look at the tiny daemon. Despite their dad having missed it, Dean felt happy in that moment. _

_When his dad returned two days later, Dean barely got him to notice as he urged Dean to pack up. For a brief moment his dad was still, actually watching Sammy and being a part of their world before it shattered in a whirlwind of packing and getting back on the road. _

_When a daemon hatched at one year of age, it was tradition for the child's parents to name the daemon. After three weeks of his dad ignoring that responsibility and barely acknowledging Sam or his daemon, Dean finally had enough. They'd been dropped off at Bobby's, a gruff hunter whom Dean had grown to like a lot, especially since he was good to Sammy and genuinely seemed to care about both him and Dean. _

_At breakfast one morning, Dean looked at Sammy being held by Bobby and his little ladybug hovering above Rumsfeld and he made up his mind right then and there._

_"Sina." He announced to the room. Bobby turned to him with his brows furrowed as if trying to figure out what Dean was trying to say. "Her name will be Sina." Dean said looking pointedly at the little ladybug daemon._

_Understanding replaced the confusion in Bobby's eyes. He didn't argue with Dean or tried to dissuade him from naming Sam's daemon. He simply accepted it, agreed to it even. "That's a good name for her."_

_From that moment on, they spoke of Sammy and Sina and if their dad was opposed to it, he never showed it._

Dean dragged his hand across his face, trying to control his emotions and keep himself from being lulled into slumber. Tali finally stirred making it infinitely easier to accomplish just that. Not a word was said as she resumed her place at his side and continued staring back at the hostile leopard daemon across the room.

Sina had finally moved away from her hiding spot, choosing to instead pace around the back wall growling her discontent before stalking her way back to the cot. She kept repeating this routine, occasionally clawing at the wall. She never touched Sam or looked at him. She just remained close to him, the tether between daemon and human seeming the only thing still normal about her.

Tali had called out to her once and had been completely ignored. Either Sina was intentionally giving them the cold-shoulder or she was too traumatized to be aware of them beyond their physical presence.

Dean feared the odds stacked towards the second option.

His silent brooding as Bobby would call it, was interrupted by a loud gasp from Sam as he finally woke up. Dean jumped forwards towards Sam, nearly tripping over the stool in his haste, when Sina collided with Tali. The short tussle took the breath right out of Dean until Tali stood by his side once more, breathing rapidly from the sudden attack. Dean curled his fingers in her silver fur before taking stock of the room.

Sina stood crouched before the cot, teeth bared, saliva dripping to the floor and a feral look in her eyes. Dean heard Bobby's hurried footsteps on the stairs, but everything was drowned out by one voice.

"Dean? What's going on?"

_to be continued..._

* * *

_**Info on Daemons: **_

_**Dæmons are the external physical manifestation of a person's 'inner-self' that takes the form of an animal. Dæmons have human intelligence, are capable of human speech—regardless of the form they take—and usually behave as though they are independent of their humans. Pre-pubescent children's dæmons can change form voluntarily, almost instantaneously, to become any creature, real or imaginary. During their adolescence a person's dæmon undergoes "settling", an event in which that person's dæmon permanently and involuntarily assumes the form of the animal which the person most resembles in character. Dæmons and their humans are almost always of different genders.**_

_**When a person dies, their dæmon fades away in a golden dust. Likewise, if a dæmon is killed, their human dies as well.**_

_**This is a rough explanation of what Daemons are. I probably will change the rules here and there regarding the rules of His Dark Materials to suit my needs.**_


	2. Chapter 2

"Dean? What's going on?"

Sam's eyes were open and looking right at him, but Dean could not immediately answer him as relieve surged through him at seeing his brother finally awake. "Sam?" He said warily as if afraid Sam would disappear if acknowledged.

Before Sam could question his reaction, Bobby and Rumsfeld ran into the room. Sam's eyes went straight for the shotgun in Bobby's hands, his brows furrowing as he drew his own conclusion. "What did I do?"

Bobby had the decency to lower the gun as Sam assumed his own guilt. Even though Sam technically _was_ the reason for the gun, Dean did not approve of his brother carrying a burden that was out of his control. He made to reassure his little brother and stepped forward, triggering another attack from Sina.

Without warning she swiped her sharp claws at Dean, who barely managed to jump back. "Sina!" Sam yelled startled while Dean backed away, hands raised in surrender. Tali flattened her ears in unease but did not growl, not wanting to set her off again, though her instinct urged her to defend herself.

Movement from Bobby drew Sina's focus instead, Rumsfeld having no qualms about showing his unrest at the situation by growling.

"Bobby!" Dean glared at his surrogate dad and the gun he had raised in reaction to Sina's attack.

Sam struggled to his feet only to fall to the ground, catching himself on the cot. "Sina." He called weakly. She barely acknowledged Sam, only taking one step back towards him, her eyes never straying from Bobby.

Seeing Sam so vulnerable and weak, Bobby finally relaxed and lowered the gun, Rumsfeld settling down at his side.

"Sam, are you alright?" Dean asked desperately, needing to hear it if he couldn't get close enough to confirm it for himself.

But Sam didn't answer him. He was sat on the ground, held up by the cot and staring with wide eyes at his daemon. She was quite the sight to behold with her frazzled, wild appearance but Dean felt a deeper concern. The way Sam looked at her seemed to go beyond merely her appearance.

"Sam?" Dean tried again. Silently -ignoring Dean completely- Sam reached out a shaking hand towards his daemon. Inches from touching her, Sina whirled around and snarled at him. Sina _snarled_ at _Sam_!

Shocked, Sam pulled away, Sina immediately settling down again. "What the balls?!" Bobby asked out loud, his hand gently placed on Rumsfeld's head as if seeking reassurance. He'd summed up the situation perfectly. No daemon would ever turn on their own human, at least not under normal circumstances.

"Sam?" Dean cautiously stepped forward, Tali right on his heels. Sina did not seem to notice him, or she simply didn't care. She stared at Sam as she stalked to the wall, laying down in what Dean could only describe as fatigue if Sam's state was anything to judge by. "Sammy?" He asked as he crouched in front of him.

Sam looked at the verge of tearing up when he finally answered Dean. "I can't feel her." He whispered, still staring at Sina. He turned his gaze to his big brother, fear evident in his eyes. "I can't _feel_ her!"

Dean grabbed his brother in a tight embrace, Bobby slowly stepping closer as Sam shook in his arms. Dean felt out of his depth as he turned pleading eyes towards Bobby. "What now?"

_to be continued..._

* * *

_**Not sure how long this little story is going to be, but not very long. I've got a third chapter written out, just need to copy it to my pc so I can upload it. As you've already noticed probably, it's all focused on season 6, dealing with Sam having lost his soul and getting it back and how things might be different if they had daemons. I might eventually write other moments of the show with daemons added, but this story focus on the soul trouble with Sam.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed the read.**_


	3. Chapter 3

The room was quiet as they waited for Sam's reaction. Dean stood leaning against the kitchen counter, a beer in hand while Bobby and Rumsfeld stood near the entrance. Sam was hunched over his own at the table, Sina hidden in the back corner. Tali stood next to the table, staring up sadly at Sam.

"So I came back without my daemon and you made a deal with Death to get her back." Sam finally said trying not to look at his distant daemon.

After Sam had calmed down and stalked around the panic room in a fit of nervous energy, Sina had ghosted his every movement, as if the invisible tether between her and Sam was intact again. Though Sam could still not feel her presence through their connection or hear her voice in his mind, she was still connected to him.

"Yes, and he put a wall in your head to block the memories of you-know..." Dean trailed of, wanting to spare his brother. Sam had no such qualms.

"To spare me from the memories of Lucifer torturing me."

"Sammy-"

"It's fine, Dean. I'm okay."

"I beg to differ." Bobby argued. He ignored the glare Dean sent his way at his bluntness.

Sam smiled ruefully. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He looked at Sina with sad eyes. She didn't return his gaze, she didn't even make eye contact with anyone. "Maybe the wall keeps out more than my memories." He mused out loud.

"Why would Death go to the trouble of doing such a thing?" Bobby questioned.

Dean stalked over to the table in an angry huff. "Why not?! When _hasn't _someone double-crossed us?" He sat down across of Sam, slapping the table to get his attention. "We'll fix this. I'll find a way to fix this, Sam."

Sam leaned back in his chair before answering. "I don't know if you can." Before Dean could argue, Sam continued. "No, listen. I'm not blind, Dean. I can see the state she is in. Sina, she's still my daemon, still connected to me and though we are a little broken now, we'll manage. I don't want to risk making things worse."

"So you want to do nothing?" Dean asked incredulously.

"You said it yourself, Dean. Death said to leave the wall alone. Maybe the wall needed to extend to Sina. Daemons can't repress memories, after all."

Sam concluded the discussion there, not wanting to talk about it anymore. For now, he and Sina were functional and business would go on as usual. Even broken, Sina simply being there was enough for now.

_to be continued..._

* * *

_**This is what I've got so far. I'm thinking maybe one or two more little chapters, unless inspiration strikes unexpectedly. I'm really enjoying this daemon head canon XD**_


	4. Chapter 4

Dean watched his brother drag himself towards the hotel room. He'd suggested Sam go ahead while he'd unload their stuff from the trunk and Sam had done just that, his usual protest at being coddled having died almost immediately at the prospect of rest. Perhaps they really had gone on too many hunts in a row this time.

While Sam disappeared into their hotel room, Dean strode over to the trunk of the Impala. "I think you went too far." Tali remarked at his side, her eyes staring at the open hotel door.

"I just wanted to keep him from thinking too much." Thinking about the wall and how it affected his bond with Sina. Or thinking about what he'd done while he'd been without his daemon.

"Well, you at least succeeded at that much. They are far too tired to think of anything at all." Tali threw back at Dean, a hint of teasing in her tone. Dean couldn't resist smiling a little at that.

He quickly grabbed the duffel bag with some extra stuff for them both and made his way to the hotel. Knowing Sam, he was either fumbling around in the bathroom trying to wake his sleepy ass up as much as he could or he'd given in to his exhaustion and dropped like a dead-weight on one of the beds. "I'm thinking bathroom." Tali excitedly declared. Dean shook his head. "Nah, he definitely dropped. I've really taken these hunts too far this time." Dean said through his smile.

But when he entered the room he found neither option was correct. Sam was on the ground and his body was shaking violently.

"SAM!" Dean dropped everything and rushed to his brothers' side. "Sammy?! Sam?!" Sam didn't respond. His eyes were closed but appeared to be moving frantically as if he were dreaming and his body continued to flail around. Dean grabbed hold of Sam's head instead, making sure at least that the kid didn't give himself a concussion. "Sam! Can you hear me?! SAM!"

"Dean!" Tali's voice cut through his panic and he looked to the side where Tali was crouched by Sina. Sina, who was laying completely still on her side as if she were dead and her eyes were wide open but unfocused. "I can't wake her up."

Intense, mind-numbing fear spread through his veins. This wasn't happening. Sam was supposed to be fine. He _had_ been fine for _weeks_, other than the distance between Sam and Sina brought by the wall. The wall! Had the wall been broken? Was it gone?!

"Sammy?! Come on, Sam! Please wake up! Please don't do this to me!" The terror was real and growing stronger when Dean realized that for the first time in his life, he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help Sam. This was like nothing he'd ever faced with the kid. "S.s. ...," He stuttered as his own heart beat in his throat. "Sammy, please."

As if Sam had somehow heard it, the kid opened his eyes and gasped long and shallowly, before his breathing caught on to the situation. "Sam!" Dean moved to the side, grabbing his brother by his jacket and hauling him up into a painfully tight hug. "It's okay. You're okay. Just breathe, Sam. You're okay." He wasn't sure who he was convincing.

Tali's whine caught his attention and he slid his gaze towards her, relieve further spreading through him at the sight of Sina slowly crawling to her feet. Slow, unsteady and a slight sway to her movements, but at least she was getting up at her own strength.

Dean turned his attention back to the dead-weight, brother in his arms. "Sam? You with me, kiddo?" He used one hand to brush back Sam's hair, making the kid look far younger than he was. Sam's eyes had trouble focusing on Dean, turning round and round as they tried to pick one spot to look at. "Sam?"

"D'n?" Came the muddle response and never had his name sounded better than in that moment.

"Oh thank god!" Dean exclaimed in response. "Sam, I need to sit you on the bed. Think you can handle that?" Dean asked, radiating concern despite his effort to remain calm for his brother. "Sam?"

"Yeah, I think so." Sam could barely get the words out, but at least he was somewhat coherent and no longer a shaking mess on the floor.

With a lot more effort from Dean than Sam, they managed to get Sam sitting on the bed. Dean crouched in front of Sam, holding his face and looking into his eyes which were thankfully more focused and no longer spinning.

"How do you feel?"

Sam seemed to think it over for a moment, before he held his own head as if it was hurting. "Like I was run over by a truck."

Dean scrambled around the room, collecting a glass of water and some painkillers, anything to help Sam. Whether painkillers actually worked against a hell-induced memory seizure, he had no idea, but he wasn't beyond trying. It showed how much Sam was hurting, when the kid took the pills without complaint.

Dean hovered nervously above Sam, while Sina scrambled on top of the bed, pressing herself as close to the headboard as possible. As far away from Sam without being too obviously away from his side. "How long was I out?" Came the quiet, almost cautious question.

"Can't have been more than a few minutes." Dean watched closely as emotions flickered across Sam's face at the information. Hesitantly, Dean voiced his own question, dreading the answer. "How long...how long was it for you?"

Sam didn't answer straight away and after a minute passed in silence, Dean didn't expect to get one. "About a week."

Tali whined loudly even as Dean clamped up. Both stared with wide eyes at Sam, horror, grieve, guilt, sorrow, pity...it all whirled inside them as they tried to process this. A week?! "What happened?" Tali quietly asked Sam, her nose inches from Sam's hand on his knees.

Sam turned his head ever so slightly in her direction, a brief, tiny smile tugging itself free at her obvious concern. She was Dean's soul after all, she couldn't possibly _not_ feel worried for him. "I wasn't thinking. I just reached out like I'd normally would have done when I'm feeling tired or hurt. I touched her."

Sina. Sam had reached out and touched his own daemon and it had given him a severe seizure?!

"Now I know why she didn't want me to touch her anymore." Sam answered bleakly. "It's the equivalent of _'scratching the wall_'." He turned sideways on the bed to look at her behind him, his body sagging in despair as Sina pushed herself further against the headboard, as if afraid Sam would try and touch her again. "I'm so sorry, Sina." Sam whispered.

Whether he was apologizing for touching her or for the terrible memories she could not hide from, Dean didn't know. All he knew was that he had no clue how to help them and his heart felt shredded looking at them like this.

_tbc_


	5. Chapter 5

_He was cold. And wet. And his head hurt, a lot. _His thoughts were slipping away before he could focus on them. He remembered there was something important though, something he couldn't quite remember. In fact, he realized with a sudden fright that he couldn't _remember_ anything.

He surged upwards to find himself sitting outside on the street in the pouring rain. No wonder he had been cold and wet. Gently he touched his own head, wincing at the abrupt stab of pain it produced. _Yeah, not doing that again._ He slowly turned his head around, trying to see where he was and if anything was familiar.

The sky was a dark grey, rain pelting down heavily. All around him there was only trees and fields, no landmarks, no buildings, nothing. There wasn't even a car in sight, so how did he even end up here? Had someone thrown him out of one? Had he been in an accident and wandered away in confusion?

His best course of action would be to follow the road and hope it lead him somewhere useful. He pushed himself, slowly, to a standing position and almost landed right back on the ground. He barely caught himself from hitting his head on the street. Carefully he sat back down, just for a minute, to catch his breath. By god did his head pound something fierce though.

His hand brushed something soft yet course and he flinched away from it. He squinted through the rain and dimming light to see what it was. If night was fast approaching he didn't want to be stuck with something dangerous. For all he knew whatever _it_ was might have something to do with his current situation.

Of all the things to expect, it was not an unconscious leopard. He swallowed nervously, before for whatever reason he couldn't fathom, he approached the wild animal. He would blame his decision later on his obvious concussion. Before he could reach out to the animal, it moved and he quickly withdrew his hand.

The leopard slowly rose up on its paws and he held his breath as its eyes found him.

An onslaught of pain and despair had him crumbling back to the street, fighting to catch a single breath. His mouth opened in a silent scream, all his muscles tensing and yet he couldn't move, at all.

_"Sam! Sammy!"_

All of a sudden the pain vanished and he gulped for much needed air. Slowly he came back to his senses, the cold and wet street beneath him, the fast approaching darkness of the evening and the headache that never left him yet had lessened to a degree.

"Sam?" a soft voice called out.

_Sam. _That was his _name_! He remembered his name. He sat up and came face to face with the leopard again. Except, this time he recognized it, _her._ "Sina!" He began to reach for her in his relief, only to pull back just as fast. No, he couldn't touch her. He couldn't remember why, just that he really shouldn't.

"Where are we?" She asked him matter of factly, not bothered at all by the lack of contact or Sam's distress at not remembering anything.

Sam choose to let it go for now as he had more pressing concerns. "I have no idea." He answered her as he stood up again and viewed his surroundings again. "Let's start walking, see if we find anything."

Sina obediently followed after him, falling in step beside Sam and that, for reasons he couldn't _remember, _ filled him with a warm feeling and the strength to believe he would be alright.

* * *

"I hate this." Dean stood in the panic room staring down at his little, tall brother on the cot. Again. Sina was on the ground beside the cot, also unconscious.

Damn _Cas _of all people, of _all creatures_. The betrayal had hit him hard and even now, knowing what he had to do, Dean struggled. How could he leave Sam behind?! So what if the world was in danger, in danger of _Cas _no less. Sammy was priority.

"Sammy would want us to go." Tali answered for him. And she was right. Sam would never put himself before anyone else and despite what Cas had done, Dean _knew_ Sam would forgive him for breaking the wall. It was just who Sam was. "He'd want us to save who we can and we might be able to save Cas yet."

"I know." Didn't mean it was any easier to leave his brother behind. Dean sighed before putting down the note he'd written for Sam. If by some miracle, Sam could pull himself back together again, he'd know where everyone had gone. If he had to leave his brother behind, he'd at least make sure he hadn't been forgotten or abandoned.

"I'll be back, Sammy." Dean said to his unconscious brother before heading upstairs where Bobby was waiting for him.

* * *

A bullet grazed his arm and Sam bolted into cover before the next one could hit its mark. Sina cautiously crawled over to him, ears twitching as she listened for their attacker. Sam readied his own gun that he'd found in this very motel room. Though it was worrisome that he found a gun in the room he had been staying in, according to the manager who had recognized him, but the part that unnerved him more was how comfortable the gun felt in his hand.

What if he was a murderer?!

Sina scratched him with her claws, snapping him out of his distress and back to attention. Footsteps, just outside his room. He tensed up, ready to spring into action while Sina crawled underneath the table silently. The table was right beside the door effectively blocking her from view if she didn't go too close to the door and allowed her the opportunity to catch their attacker off guard.

The door handle got rattled aggressively, but no one opened the door. The silence dragged on and on and just as Sam was reaching his limit, the window broke as something big came through. Sina snarled in alarm before jumping forward and clamping down on a leg. The resounding yell was satisfying and feeling more confident now, Sam aimed his gun on the unknown person.

"Who are you?!" He demanded. Slowly, the tall figure on the floor lowered its arms and Sam froze. "That's impossible." He said meekly.

It was _him. _It was another Sam. Looking exactly the same, except for the smirk on his face. It spoke of confidence, it spoke of knowledge. Despite being at gunpoint and having a leopard's jaws clamped on his leg, he was smirking as if _he_ were in control of the situation.

"I said; Who. Are. You?"

The other Sam actually laughed at him, sending shivers up his spine. Sina abruptly pulled away, her body hunched and her eyes wide. "Sina? What's wrong?" He couldn't watch her without looking away from this other Sam and Sina was steadily backing away towards the door. "Sina!"

"She knows." Other Sam said, drawing Sam's gaze. "She can feel it."

"Feel what!" Sam shouted as he pushed the gun closer to other Sam's face.

"I don't have a daemon." The words were barely spoken before the gun was wrenched out of his hold, causing Sam to stumble. Before he could right himself, it was slammed into his head. The pounding headache from before returned with a vengeance and stars filled his vision.

_SAMMY! NO!_

An image sprang to mind suddenly. A person. DEAN! His brother, Dean!

Sam lurched upwards, steadying himself on the wall. Noises of a struggle pushed through the white noise in his ears. Sina! She was fighting OtherSam. His vision was hazy at best, but Sam could make out shapes and he barreled into the tallest one. The table bore the results of his attack, breaking in two as both Sam's crashed into it.

"Sam! Sam!" Sina was shouting to his left. "Get up! hurry!" As quick as he could, Sam stumbled out of the room, almost blindly following his daemon back into the pouring rain and utter darkness. He didn't know if OtherSam was following or if he'd been hurt at all.

All he knew, was he and Sina had to get away.

Abruptly the night turned into day, as if someone had flicked the lightswitch of the earth back on. Sam and Sina stood in the middle of a forest, a gentle stream to their left. Sam shielded his eyes as best he could, the bright sunlight not helping his pounidng headache. Sina pressed into his leg and her presence so close was a balm to his aching heart. He couldn't remember why this simple act was so profound though. Nothing made sense.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" As one they turned around, heart pounding, adrenaline surging through his veins. "Come on, _Sammy_! Won't you come and play!"

"We have to hide!" Sina hissed before darting deeper into the forest, sam right behind her.

* * *

Dean gripped the steering wheel tightly to the point where it hurt. Tali made no noise in the back, though Dean knew she could feel it. Rumsfeld barked once, startling him enough to swerve slightly on the road.

"Keep it together, ya idjit!" Bobby scolded him.

"I shouldn't have left him." Bobby had opened the floodgates and all Dean's worry came spilling out in the previously silent car.

"Ya didn't leave him, Dean. We're coming back, _Sam_ is coming back."

"How do you know that?! For all we know, Sam is gone..." Dean nearly choked on his words, because it couldn't happen. Not Sam, never Sammy. Please god not Sammy!

Bobby slapped the back of his head, the gesture so familiar and meaningful it propelled Dean out of his spiral of despair. "Now you listen to me, boy. Sam will be alright. That kid has fought himself out of countless impossible odds and _nothing_ will stop your little brother from standing by your side. I may not believe in much, but I believe in you boys. Now you have to believe in Sam."

Dean stared at the road ahead, nodding to Bobby his understanding. "Ok, you're right." He took a deep breath, Tali nudging his neck in silent support. "We've got this. Sammy's got this."

For Sam he would do anything, even believe in the impossible.

* * *

Sam forced himself to be quiet, to not let the distress he felt at Sina's distance be heard. In order to beat OtherSam, they had to split up, divert his attention between them. Their only advantage was that there were two of them whereas OtherSam was alone. Sam shuddered at the thought. Not having Sina by his side would be horrifying.

"Enough of this game of hide and seek, Sammy! You can't beat me! Or haven't you realized it yet?" OtherSam's voice was close but not too close yet. Sam kept very still, even as doubt wormed his way into his mind. What was he talking about?

"Doesn't it strike you as odd? How you woke up without your memories. Or how the night turned into day and you found yourself somewhere else. Or how there could possibly be another you. Haven't you figured it out yet, Sammy boy?!"

_/Ignore him, focus./ _Sina's voice in his head was reassuring and Sam felt himself settle down.

Gunshots broke the tranquility of the forest and Sam felt his breath leave him in a gasp. As soon as the gunshots stopped, Sina's loud screeching could be heard as she stumbled out of her hiding spot.

"Oh Sam, I had expected more of you. Want me to finish it quickly and kill your daemon, or would you rather bleed out with her?"

_/Now, Sam!/_

At her call, Sam burts out of his hiding spot and with one solid whack from the sturdy branch he'd found, he floored OtherSam. He grabbed the gun before he could turn on his back and aimed it straight at his head. Sina stepped beside him, teeth visible as she stared at OtherSam.

"Well, that was unexpected. Well done Sammy. Tricking me with your jacket. I should have seen it. " OtherSam gave him a thumbsup, wicked smile on his face. "Your daemon had me convinced I'd shot you. I should have noticed the lack of gold dust on her."

"It's like you said," Sam answered. "Playtime's over."

"We were never playing Sam. We were fighting, fighting for _control_."

"What are you talking about?"

"You still haven't realized...you're not awake Sammy."

"What?!"

"You're sleeping, or rather you are in a coma of sorts. This...all of this, it's not _real_."

Images bombarded his mind then, of Dean, Bobby, a case...and Cas!

Sina's snarl brought him back and he steadied his aim on OtherSam. "Cas did something to me?"

"Bingo! Castiel broke your little noggin'. This is all in your pretty head."

The reality of it all hit Sam then. "You're the me when Sina was in the cage."

"Correct. I was trying to take over your body, but you won fair and square. As long as you can pull that trigger that is."

"I can and I will." To prove his point, Sam gently nudge the trigger. "This is over."

"Oh it's certainly over alright, for _me_. But let me warn you, Sam..." OtherSam said haltingly. "There's another out there, one who is far worse than me. Trust me, you do not want to face that one."

"I'll take my chances." Sam countered before pulling the trigger and killing OtherSam.

* * *

By the time he arrived at Bobby's place, night had set in again and lightning added to the already dreadful sight of Singer's Salvage Yard. Sam slowly got out of the care, Sina slipping past him. "I don't like this." She whispered, caution in her voice.

"I don't either, Sina. But...I have to."

"_We_ have to." She corrected him. Sam gently petted her head, the contact soothing his nerves. Yeah, you're right, Sina. So...let's do this."

Together they stepped up towards the house. It was dark throughout the building except for one single light in the library. They halted in the open doorway, staring at the figure in the middle of the room, highlighted by the soft light from behind.

"You've come."

Sam tightened his grip on the gun, steeling himself for another fight. "Yeah, and you're not stopping me. I have to get back to Dean."

"I would expect nothing less." Hearing Sina's voice so hoarse was painful. "You have your memories back."

That hadn't been pleasant. As soon as he had killed OtherSam, or more precisely soulles Sam, all his memories of his life and from the time he was without Sina had rushed back to him. He remembered why he needed to get back so urgently to his brother. Cas was working some serious trouble and Dean and Bobby were out there dealing with it, alone.

"The only way I'll wake up, is if I get yours too." Sam answered his daemon.

"You're not strong enough."

"You don't know that."

"But I do." Sina stated. Her eyes trailed towards the leopard standing beside Sam. "She is not as she truly is. The Sina beside you is a representation of the daemon you've always had." She turned her gaze back to Sam. "You remember it now. The haunted look, not being allowed to touch her, not being able to sense her presence. None of that is here, because in your mind you recreated your perfect daemon. You _know_ instinctively, that you cannot handle hell."

Sam raised the gun, trying to steel himself against the doubt Sina was planting in him. It made sense. His own mind doing what it could to protect him against something he couldn't survive. Here, in his mind, Sina had been _with _him rather than exist near him. She wasn't like that ever since the wall, ever since she was pulled out of the cage.

_/Stop doubting yourself!/_

_/She's right though. _You_ are right./_

_/She's not! You _can_ do this. _We_ can!/_

_/How can you be so sure?/_

_/Because despite everything, we're still here. We're still fighting and you never gave up on me despite me shutting you out./_

_/You remember?/_

_/Vaguely, but yes. My mind was mostly...well suffering. But you were always there. I couldn't let you touch me, but your presence helped me. Please believe in us./_

Sam sighed before steadying his aim again. "You are sure you want to do this then?" Hell Sina asked.

/We can do this, because Dean and Tali believe in us./

"Yeah, I am sure." Sam answered, letting Sina's trust and believe fill him up.

"Very well. In that case... I wish you luck, Sam."

The gun went off and Sina's essence rushed at them both before the black took him.

* * *

Sam gasped for air as he started awake. He was in the panic room, on the ground and his body_ hurt_. His little mind trip hadn't done his body much good it seemed. "Sina?" He called out nervously. _Please be alright._

"I'm here." Sam stumbled forward, finding his daemon on the other side of the cot trying to stand up.

"You okay?" He asked as he reached for her. His fingers brushed her skin but nothing happened. No seizure, no pain, nothing. "Did it work?"

"We're awake, aren't we? It must have."

Sam straightened and almost immediately buckled under the onslaught of firePainDespairTortureBloodColdIcePainPainPain "SAM!"

Sam snapped out of it, gasping desperately for air. He was on the ground, Sina curled up against him, soothing what little she could. "We're okay, we're okay." She said almost as a mantra. Sam curled his fingers in her fur and god the ability to hold his own daemon made him want to weep.

"Guess hell isn't so easily forgotten." He said as they both steadied themselves. His eyes caught on a piece of paper on the cot and more importantly the handwriting. Dean.

"Let's go help my brother."

_fin_

* * *

_**If it wasn't clear, the occasional Sammy and Sam in italics was Sam's memory trying to push through.**_

_**With this chapter, this story is finished. We all know what happened next. This story was only ever a sort of experiment to see how I could fit daemons into this little specific seasonal plot. I may write another short story about Sam and Sina hallucinating in s7, but we'll see. I do have a series planned with Mary Winchester meeting her boys and their daemons.**_

_**I hope you enjoyed it.**_


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